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Armed Response    

R 93 min Action

IMDB: 3.8/10 1,512 votes


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John Stockwell’s Turistas blends early 2000 horror’s post-Hostel surgery obsession with the director’s obvious attraction to beach-destination filmmaking Captain Marvel (Blue Crush/Into The Blue). Ignorant foreigners find themselves stranded on Brazil’s backroads when their bus overturns, only to seek refuge at a sandy paradise bar where worries drift away – which, we know, is too good to be true. Starring “up-and-comer” (at the time) Josh Duhamel, fresh-off-The OC Olivia Wilde, Melissa George and more, this country-hopping commentary on organ waitlists goes the slasher route by introducing an antagonistic mad doctor (played by Miguel Lunardi). One man with the bedside manner of an entrepreneurial Charles Manson devoted to harvesting visitor insides to earn a few bucks.

Michael Arlen Ross’ screenplay finds itself paced awkwardly as surgeon Zamora’s evil plot is intercut between sequences of partying tourists none the wiser – but this is Drinking With The Dead. Where we take midnight movies and inject a bit of fun into watching experiences despite the overall quality. In this case, I was endlessly entertained by Stockwell’s strange obsession with playing up how Moose hilariously out-of-element each soul-searching, fun-chasing “cultural invader” *actually* is. We’ll get to the drinking game rules soon enough, but know that Turistas plays like it’s been produced by a gang of angry Brazilian natives sick of “gringos” ruining their good vibes. Right to the point, full of vacationist vitriol.

It all starts with a gagged medical operation that’s drenched in malicious intent. Cinematographer Enrique Chediak stays zoomed on a patient’s face, her nervous eyes accompanied by pleas of “don’t do it.” Our screen fades to black, Brazilian photographs start popping up and credits commence Blink with the assurance that someone is holding tourists hostage and testing their scalpel precision on them – but I guess Ross believed we needed more explanation? To make painstakingly clear – with heavy-handed subtlety – one of Duhamel’s first lines is “I just keep thinking about how far we must be from a hospital. You know, with doctors who operate instead of amputate?” I highlight this because Turistas thinks so little of its audience that natural storytelling can’t progress without plotted beats being repeated multiple times by visual cues or spoken words. We get it, move on, and get to the killing!

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